Tweets

beccamakalapua:

punkasslouis:

punkasslouis:

I’m hiding naked in my closet because there are mattress delivery men in my bedroom and no one thought to tell me so I was just doing my naked thing after my shower and then I was very unceremoniously shoved into my closet and I don’t know how long I have to be here I don’t have snacks or anything

update: I found a chocolate bar on my shelf but also my phone battery is at 20% I feel like bear grylls

don’t you have clothes in your closet

(Source: harrywantsababy, via forest-dick)

gothgirlsgettingmoney:

My least favorite thing is straight men who come into lush and act like it’s a direct attack on their manhood coming up to me like “I’m in here for my girlfriend” ok thanks for confirming your heterosexuality everyone who likes soap is usually gay

(Source: gendertrashfromhell, via forest-dick)

Real Hacker vs Movie Hacker

  • real hacker: So you say you're gonna break into our local nuclear power plant? I really don't think that's possible
  • movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* I'm in
  • real hacker: But the power plant's computers aren't even connected to the internet
  • movie hacker: I said I'm in. Now I'll cause a meltdown *types a few keystrokes* Done
  • real hacker: What do you mean done? There have to be many redundant safeguards in place to stop a meltdown. In any case, a meltdown would take time.
  • movie hacker: Want me to break into the CIA next?
  • real hacker: I don't even think you should attempt to...
  • movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* Too late. I'm in

1boo:

greencrook:

The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this.
If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella. 

you are my hero

(via joe-mopman)

austere-fallen-angel:

does anybody else clean their phone screen by wiping it on their boob or is that just me

(via lonelyhe4rt)