I’m hiding naked in my closet because there are mattress delivery men in my bedroom and no one thought to tell me so I was just doing my naked thing after my shower and then I was very unceremoniously shoved into my closet and I don’t know how long I have to be here I don’t have snacks or anything
update: I found a chocolate bar on my shelf but also my phone battery is at 20% I feel like bear grylls
don’t you have clothes in your closet
My least favorite thing is straight men who come into lush and act like it’s a direct attack on their manhood coming up to me like “I’m in here for my girlfriend” ok thanks for confirming your heterosexuality everyone who likes soap is usually gay
Real Hacker vs Movie Hacker
- real hacker: So you say you're gonna break into our local nuclear power plant? I really don't think that's possible
- movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* I'm in
- real hacker: But the power plant's computers aren't even connected to the internet
- movie hacker: I said I'm in. Now I'll cause a meltdown *types a few keystrokes* Done
- real hacker: What do you mean done? There have to be many redundant safeguards in place to stop a meltdown. In any case, a meltdown would take time.
- movie hacker: Want me to break into the CIA next?
- real hacker: I don't even think you should attempt to...
- movie hacker: *types a few keystrokes* Too late. I'm in
The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this.
If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella.
you are my hero
does anybody else clean their phone screen by wiping it on their boob or is that just me